Getting Stuck in the Grandmother Role

Being a grandmother can be one of the most rewarding roles we ever play. And being there for our grandkids during their early years, well—there’s nothing like it.

As our grandkids mature, the day comes when we our loving care and attention is not so much in demand. This is the time when we move into the next phase, that of being a coach rather than a grandmother.

In a perfect world we would know when that times comes, but we don’t live in a perfect world. Moreover, for those of us who have worked an earth mission, there can be added confusion because we believe that part of our role is to pass on our spiritual knowledge. Together, it makes for a lot of confusing causing many of us to get stuck in the grandmother role. Yet there is a way to know when it is time to move on. This was the case with Mary, a very lovely lady by all accounts.

The Signs

There are signs that will appear when it is time to move to the coaching phase are:

  • Opportunities (doors) will open for you to move on to other things. It could be a physical move or simply a change in interests.
  • Your grandchild will be facing a challenging situation that makes you want to rescue them.
  • Your son or daughter, the parent, will be actively trying to rescue them.

In Mary’s case, Sign 1 appeared as a physical move. She had been feeling the urge to relocate back to Redding, a small town in northern California that she had lived in previously. She had moved south to La Jolla to help her daughter raise the grandkids. Having enjoyed the benefits of a house for the past several years, Mary decided she wanted to find a house back in Redding. It wasn’t long before the universe delivered—and on both ends. Mary found a great house in Redding, and her house in La Jolla sold.

Sign 2 manifested with her granddaughter Lisa. Lisa was being bullied at school. Mary felt she needed to do something but was unsure what it was.

Sign 3 manifested as her daughter, Karen trying to rescue Lisa by taking her out of high school in favor of completing her final year via online classes.

It was clear that the doors had opened for Mary to move on, but as she said in her session, “I just don’t feel that everything is done here in La Jolla and I don’t know why.”

The answer, when viewed from a higher perspective was simple, Mary couldn’t move on because she hadn’t given herself permission to do so. She was stuck in the grandmother role and hadn’t realized it. With her guides’ direction, I explained the phases of grandmother hood along with how they play into a mission.

They explained that instead of rescuing her granddaughter, she needed to be a positive role model for her. What she needed to show Lisa, and her daughter as well, was how to be for themselves while allowing others to feel what they wanted.

The guides also explained that the reason that Lisa had drawn schoolmates that bullied her was because she had learned to be a people pleaser (pleaser) like her mother. Being a pleaser, someone who lives to please others, occurs when we don’t believe we have the right to be for ourselves, to do what makes us happy if it will make others unhappy. The price we fear to pay is that of being rejected.

The girls at school, (also pleasers) picked up on Lisa’s fear of being rejected by making others unhappy. When we unconsciously pick up on someone’s fear it is because we can easily identity with it. When we identify, we get scared. When we get scared we act to push away or eliminate the fear. In the case of Lisa’s schoolmates they were bullying her as a way to push away the fear of being rejected that Lisa triggered in them.

As for her mission, Mary’s guides explained that her work was done. Now was her time to fully enjoy life pursuing the things that interest her. In other words it was retirement time. We ended the session with Mary feeling free at last. She now felt ready to begin packing.

In closing, being a grandmother is a wonderful thing, and we can reap all the rewards of each phase when we heed the signs to move to the next phase.