Being a starseed comes with both joys and sorrows, and over the many years of counseling them I have heard both. Yet one of the most painful experiences that seem to occur is the feeling of being unwanted. I know that feeling and it is a pain, a wound that can can last a lifetime, affecting every relationship we have.
Why do we choose to come into families that give us cause to feel unwanted?
Just this morning I feel I found the answer… and so doing, the healing that has escaped me for 60+ years. I want to share this healing so that you, too, can heal this wound should you have it.
Early morning is when I receive messages from “upstairs.” It is also the time when I talk with family members that have crossed over. This morning while in conversation with my brother Keith, I again anguished over how during the last few years of his life, I had missed many of the signs that he wanted to spend more time together. And If I am totally honest, the few times I did, such as when he actually invited me to come out to Colorado for a camping trip together, (Keith loved to camp.) I chose not to act on his request.
Growing up, I was the only girl in a family of six children. As if that wasn’t enough to make me feel like an unwanted outsider, being either bullied or ignored did. Keith, the brother closest in age (15 months) was one of those who ignored me. I remember chasing after him, literally begging him to play, only to be rebuffed. Yet, no matter how many times I was rejected, I did not feel any animosity. When I look back I find it strange that I didn’t, and can only account for it as being a symptom of a deep and ancient soul love.
Keith left home suddenly at age 16, not even saying goodbye. It was after many years, when the depression had taken a firm hold that Keith began reaching out. During those last 5 years of his life we formed a strong bond of trust, and even as he slipped further and further away from the rest of the family we somehow managed to maintain that connection. I suppose that is why when he suddenly decided to end his life I felt a part of me went with him. No wonder I felt such deep regret over missing out on the opportunities to actually be together. I have kicked myself so many times over that …
As I again sat in that old pain it dawned on me to ask, why? Why did I choose to be in a family that made me feel so unwanted, that I wasn’t able to recognize being wanted when it did occur?
The Healing Process
When facing old emotional wounds I use the Formula of Compassion (Formula), a higher dimensional tool that was given to me by some very wise and ancient Beings. Realizing that everyone in our lives is playing a role (by soul contract) to help us learn the spiritual lessons we wish to complete, I asked to understand this lesson. What were my brothers trying to show me through their hostility and rejection, and what was Keith, in particular, trying to show me?
Another principle in higher wisdom is that those whose we have asked to play roles are specifically reflecting a fear that we have, along with the belief that fosters it. They do this so that we can recognize that same fear and belief in ourselves. In order to answer the questions about the lesson, I had to first recognize the fear my brothers were projecting. What I saw was the fear of abandonment. In other words they were rejecting me because I did not fit in. That meant that showing love towards me, in a way that was actually seen as loving, could have placed their approval in the family at risk. How many times have I gone along with something, even when I knew it was not right, just to avoid being rejected and abandoned, and/or maintain approval?
Yet, in another way I also saw that they were showing love, it just took a form I could not recognize. What I mean is that when we love someone we will do things to keep them on the right path because we believe that that is how they will stay safe–from rejection, pain and abandonment. From a soul perspective my brothers were being very loving because they had tried many times to keep me in line and somehow temper my willful, sanguine spirit. When their attempts failed, they resorted to hostility, ignoring me or outright rejection. Who knows, perhaps they thought that if they hurt me enough, I’d change my ways. Nice try…didn’t work. So does that mean they failed to live up to their side of our soul agreement?
The Starseed Contract
Its funny how once you get into doing the Formula some of the answers simply appear, like drops of rain falling with a gentle plop inside your mind. That’s how I received the answer to the question about whether my brothers failed in their soul contract with me. They didn’t. In fact they fulfilled their part beautifully and here is why.
Like many of you reading this I am a starseed (see Starseeds, Walk-ins and Lightworkers). Like all starseeds I came to Earth at this time to be part of the changes. I came to both help humanity and also help myself and/or my home world. I needed to alter something and that required being in a different timeline in order to make the needed changes.
In order to fulfill our starseeds contracts many of us knew that we had to be conditioned early on. In fact, the further we had to go “out on the limb” the more “conditioning” was required. Conditioning, in this case, meant being desensitized to our pain. We needed to be able to withstand the pain of abandonment and rejection, of hostility and contempt, as we would surely experience them once we made the move to leave the beliefs and social norms of 3D behind. My brothers, in their infinite love for me, agreed to provide that conditioning…
When I look back I now see that if they had failed, I would have had a very hard time leaving behind the love and nurturing a strong, loving family provided. I most likely would have taken a whole lot longer to awaken (if ever) because I wouldn’t want to have given that up. The fear of being abandoned, of losing that love, would have been too great to bear… *sigh*
Do you see it now? Do you feel it? Do you see how they sacrificed too?
Back to my brother Keith. As I have written in past messages, ours was a strong bond. Now that I see the role I asked him to play, I ache with the pain of knowing that in order to play that role he would also have to give up the close and loving relationship we could have had. But what hurts the most is that during those last years, when the darkness was closing in on him, he did not receive the loving support from me that he so desperately needed. I had been conditioned from years of being rebuffed that when he did reach out, I could not recognize or feel that need. Jon Keith would die alone, on a cliff, in a remote part of southwest Colorado with only the comfort of three cherished stuffed animals, That was all that was left of the love and marriage he had pushed away years before.
In closing, being a starseed is a hard and lonely role, but being the loved one of a starseed is as well. It wasn’t until now that I realize the price they pay.
In loving memory of Jon Keith.
The Nibiruan Council