The Agony of Indecision

Had a session with Ally, a lovely lady who lives in the UK. Ally came to me because she was having a problem making two big decisions both of which would be life-changing. The first decision was about the family home that was left to her and her brother. Since her brother already had a home, he had no need to keep it. With that in mind, her brother had asked Ally to decide whether she intended to keep it and if so, buy his half. Though Ally liked the house, she just wasn’t able to make that choice.

The second decision was about her career. Though Ally had enjoyed 20+ years in the film industry as a creative art director, her passion for that work had fizzled. Now in her 40s, Ally wanted to make a change … but to what?

Unable to move past her indecision, Ally wanted her guides to tell her what to do. Understandable … but not what Ally’s guides had in mind. 🙂

When I tuned inward to contact her guides I was shown a word — COMMITMENT — it flashed across my inner screen like a sign on the Vegas strip. Turning back to Ally, I said, “Your guides are showing me the word, commitment. Does that make any sense to you?” “Yes.” She replied. “I’ve always struggled with that.”

Tuning back into her guides, I quickly realized that they were not going ot answer ally’s questions … not make the decision for her. The reason being that if they did and the decision did not turn out the way Ally wanted, she would be very confused, losing her confidence in herself, and them, even more.

Turning back to Ally, I explained to her that her guides weren’t going to answer the questions. Instead, they wanted to help Ally work through the cause of her indecisiveness. Ally agreed.

Since I have limited space to write, I’m going to shorten this up a bit. The cause of indecisiveness is the fear of being blamed and shamed if a decision turns out to be the wrong one. As we have learned, behind each feeling is a belief. That belief causes us to respond emotionally, and we act in response to that emotion. Ally was so terrified of making a wrong choice that she lived in a near constant state of indecisiveness. Anyone who has struggled with making a decision knows how emotionally and spiritually agonizing it can be. Those who live with indecisiveness have learned to endure the irritation over little decisions but the big ones-whoa!

What’s the worst that can happen?

Ally needed not only to understand why she had chronic indecisiveness; she needed a tool to help her make decisions. For that, the guides had me use one that I was given long ago. I call it the, “What’s the Worst That Can Happen Technique.”

As explained in Hold on to Nothing, and You’ll Have Everything, the 4th Key of Compassion, this technique enables us to work through the fear caused by the unknown. The unknown is unknown partly because we can’t see into the future, but also because we don’t often take the time to work through the possible outcomes to a final conclusion. Ultimately the final conclusion is death. Death ends all possibility of another chance … at least for this lifetime.

Taking Ally through the technique, I asked her to tune into her inner child. Asking her to be the voice for her little inner girl, I took her through the steps to determine her choice about the house.

Me: “What is the worst that can happen if you buy the house?”

Ally: “I won’t be able to pay for it and will lose it.”

Me: “What’s the worst that can happen if you lose the house?”

Ally: “I’ll be homeless.”

Me: “What is the worst that can happen if you are homeless?”

Ally: “I’ll be cold and hungry.”

Me: “What is the worst that can happen if you are cold and hungry?”

Ally: “I’ll be miserable.”

Me: “What is the worst that can happen if you are miserable?”

Ally: “I’ll die.”

Me: “What is the worst that can happen if you die?”

Ally: “I don’t know.”

Me: “The worst that can happen is that you’ll be warm, loved, safe and given another chance to come back and try again. Furthermore, your inner child will be there with you so you two will not be separated.” So the worst that can happen is that really nothing to fear, is it?

Ally: Sighing with relief, “No, there isn’t anything to fear really.”

After using the technique, Ally was able to see things more clearly. With the fears now banished, she was able to feel what she really wanted. Ally didn’t really want the house so she decided to sell it. Ally didn’t want her current career but would stay in it long enough to establish herself as an animal communicator. She would purchase a much smaller house and tuck away the remainder of the proceeds for living expenses should she need them. Now with a clear sense of direction, Ally was finally able to move forward.

In closing, many of us struggle with making decisions. To end the struggle, we only have to tune inward, connect with our inner child and work through the fears to the ultimate conclusion: death will not separate us. It is that fear of separation, of abandonment-the consequence of being blamed and shamed for a bad decision-that the inner child fears. And it is that fear, that terror, which causes us to be indecisive, unable to commit.