Excerpt from Hold on to Nothing & You’ll Have Everything

The Dilemma of the Ruby-red Wedding Ring Rash

4-key-of-compassionThree months after my marriage the Nibiruan Council, the business I had started in late 1996 to promote the Formula of Compassion, took a sudden turn for the worse. To say I was surprised is an understatement. After attempting several tried and true marketing strategies, all of which failed, Jonathan and I, along with my two partners Terry and Dermot could only conclude that it was because it was time for a major transition . Terry and Dermot would move on to their next steps, and Jonathan and I would continue the Council’s work on our own. Jonathan, having just sold his former company, saw the Nibiruan Council as his next step and so purchased the company, buying out Terry and Dermot. Though I was sad to see our partnership end, I was happy for Terry and Dermot and the new opportunities that were sure to come their way.

With the dissolution of our partnership, I decided to take some time off before getting back to work. There had been a lot of change in my life in just a few short months and I needed time to adjust. My then ten year old daughter Danielle also needed time and attention. After all, she now had a new step-father. She had been living with her father for the last few years which had made it difficult for us to spend a lot of quality time together, and me having a new husband meant even less time.

In June we decided to move from my hometown, Kansas City, to Jonathan’s hometown, Los Angeles. This was the next logical step for us but Los Angeles held fear of untold proportions for me. Never had I wished to visit it much less live there. Still, the doors of opportunity had opened in that direction so with great trepidation and sadness, I sold my furniture, packed my crystals and kissed my child goodbye. With my beloved cat Biijai, my new husband and I left Kansas City on the 4th of July and headed west towards sunny LA.


Several days later the remainder of my belongings arrived by truck from Kansas City. Though the majority of the boxes arrived intact there was one that was a problem. Inside it was a small plastic bin in which I had packed my cosmetics. When I opened the bin I nearly flipped out. A jar of honey that I use for waxing had spilled all over the other contents coating just about everything in the bin. I immediately flew into a rage. My anger turned to tears as I slid to the floor, slumped against the bathroom vanity. At the time I couldn’t say why this minor incident had so triggered me but it had. I felt I just couldn’t take it anymore. Perhaps it was the stress of traveling, moving to a new town, leaving my child and feeling totally homesick…I don’t know.

I eventually calmed down enough to begin cleaning up the mess. As I did I remember thinking to myself that I should take off my wedding ring before starting the job but the thought didn’t stick. I find it interesting that, of all the sad and angry thoughts going through my mind at that time, this should be the one that I remembered.

A few days later I awoke with an angry red rash under my wedding ring. I instantly attributed it to the cleaner that I had used, and silently berated myself for not taking off my ring before I started cleaning up the wax. I got up and applied an anti-itch cream. Even though I had never experienced anything like it before, I wasn’t really concerned. I’m not one who is prone to skin irritations as a rule, therefore I didn’t take my ring off thinking that the rash would go away but it didn’t.

Jonathan was good-natured and understanding about it, but I could see the pain in his eyes because even though he might not know the exact cause, he knew it had something to do with our marriage or some fear of mine regarding marriage.

Two weeks later the rash was still there. I had tried having the ring professionally cleaned, soaking it in alcohol, hydrogen peroxide and boiling it in hot water but nothing had helped. I finally took my wedding ring off because the rash had developed into a mass of tiny little blisters covering the area under my ring. The pain and itching had become more than I could take and the anti-itch creams were not effective. The only thing that made a difference was not wearing the ring. As soon as I slipped it from my finger, the pain would subside. The next day, it would be much better. Discovering this was devastating to me on many levels. Not only did I feel out of control, I felt totally controlled by my Inner Child/Ego. It was as though she was telling me that though I might want to be married, she had no intention of being so and was letting me know. We were at war and the battleground was the top of my ring finger! I, like Jonathan, knew it had something to do with her/my fears about being married, but I had no clue as to what the fear could be.

It was now late July and though things had gotten a little better, I could only wear my ring for a couple of hours—the rash and my Inner Child/Ego was still a problem. It was embarrassing to go out in public with my finger red and swollen, wearing my wedding ring on my right hand. I felt like I had a sign over my head saying, Marital Failure, Can’t Commit! Having been through a “Dark Night of the Soul” lesson before, (that’s a very, very difficult life lesson), I recognized that I was in one again.