Facing the Fear of Being in Debt

I know, you are saying to yourself, “how can there be any value in being in debt?” This woman has completely lost her mind! Well, I would have agreed with you until a few days ago.

What changed my mind was a recent event that caused me to take a look at my issues around financial debt. What happened was our old, dependable and slightly temperamental Bertie (20-year old Mercedes) began having problems with her front end. When we bought her at the beginning of the year, we had done so with the intention of purchasing her exclusively for the move to Kansas City and then selling her when we got there. Due to the fact that we were moving 3 cats, 2 of which had never been on a car trip, for 4 days in car, we felt it best to purchase something old but dependable. The last thing we wanted was a new car filled with the smell from carsick cats. So, we decided to save our cash and buy an older car from a long time friend who dealt in older diesel Mercedes. This turned out to be a good decision and many times we have thanked Spirit for guiding us in this direction.

When we arrived in KC, we were debt free along with the cash from the sale of Jonathan’s furniture and sports car. I had sold my furniture and car 3 years before when I moved to California to live with my, then new husband. But, as usual for me, we didn’t stay that way very long. A 6-month slump in our business coupled with a premature need to buy a houseful of furniture (we had a 6-month agreement to rent a friend’s furnished house which turned out to be only 2 months) wiped out our savings and put us several thousand dollars in the hole.

We had just recently recovered from both situations and began getting everything paid off when Bertie began acting up. When Jonathan came in from a trip to the grocery store and informed me of our latest good news, I felt like the world was falling in around me. I couldn’t believe that we were now faced with having to go further into debt just to have a car to drive. So we vacillated between spending more money on Bertie or taking the plunge for another car. Each time we would decide to just fix Bertie and hold onto our cash, something else would stop working. To me, these were clear signs that trying to avoid my fear of financial debt was not going to be successful. One way or another I was going to have to face this fear and hopefully integrate it and Bertie was there to help me do it.

I felt very angry that all my attempts to stay out of debt kept meeting with failure time after time. I had no problem getting out of debt, but I have a fear of having a problem getting out of debt. I’ve always been good at manifesting money it was staying out of debt that seemed to be my hurdle. I don’t think I’ve ever been debt free for more than 6 months at any one time. This comes from an invisible limit I seem to have where I make good money for 6-9 months and then crash and burn, causing me to lose all that I have gained. Sometimes the crash comes near the end of a money making run when I decide to invest in some item or take a business to the next step. I will discuss this further in my next article Facing the Fear of Financial Success.

After a few days of feeling anger and frustration, I decided to seek help from my guides. I asked them to show me what it was I wanted to learn from being in debt. After all, there must be something that I, as a creator goddess, wanted to learn from financial debt or I wouldn’t keep drawing it to me, right?

The next morning, as I was riding my exercise bike the answers came to me and they were truly astounding. It wasn’t just one fear, there were several fears all wrapped up in one with some of the fears being emotional and one physical.

Note: As I explore this process of discovery with you I do so with the hope that it might help you identify and clear the same fears within yourself, if indeed they are there.

Step 1. Discovering the fear

I discovered the fear by drawing the Bertie situation into my life. As always, when it is time to work on a lesson and the fear involved, we draw into our lives a situation whereby we are forced to stare into the face of that fear. Another way of saying it is that the situation triggers that fear within us. If we will only get still and feel our feelings regarding the situation, the fear will emerge.

Step 2. Discover what the fear is related to

My next step in this process was to find out what this fear of financial debt is tied to. In other words, what did I fear losing as a result of the debt? I realized that I was afraid that if I did not fulfill my end of the financial contract that I would suffer:

  • the humiliating loss of my reputation if credit rating was damaged.
  • the humiliating loss of my integrity/honor if I couldn’t repay my debts.
  • the humiliating loss of my self-esteem showing me that I was in some way not good enough or not worthy enough to keep bad things from happening to me that cause me to not be able to repay my debt.
  • the painful loss of the item that I desired enough to go into debt to acquire.

This was interesting. As I broke it down I realized that my fear was not about debt itself but the consequences of the debt. In other words, I didn’t fear the actual debt because I trust in the fact that I can always make money. What I feared were the consequences of not repaying the debt due to some circumstance beyond my control which would result in the loss of my honor, reputation and self-esteem as a human being, etc.

Step 3. Discover what belief has caused me to tie the loss of these items to this fear

This step was fairly easy for me to figure out. Growing up my father had drilled into me that “Your credit rating is all you have to show your trustworthiness, integrity and honor as a person so keep it squeaky clean.” Based on society’s rules, he was right. Society determines your worth by your credit rating. My father did not believe that your value was based on a spiritual principle because of his religious upbringing (he was raised Catholic). My father was taught that we are born in sin and therefore must spend the rest of our lives making up for that. To think that we were equal to God was blasphemous. So if you are not equal to god then there is no other basis for establishing self-worth than the one society gives you, right? Wrong!

Through my research and work with higher dimensional beings, I learned another truth. I learned that as a creation of God/Goddess/All That Is/Prime Creator, we, as souls, are worthy just by the fact that we exist.

Going further, if we are souls having a physical experience and playing roles to learn and grow, then all that we do has value as part of our learning process. So choices made during an incarnation to learn lessons and obtain spiritual growth in no way changes our inherent value.

Now of course, society does not take into consideration that the loss of your health or job resulting in you not being able to honor your financial obligations could be part of a lesson that you as a creator god/goddess/soul set up for your spiritual growth. And they are not supposed to. Remember this is Earth School and the systems here were meant to be unbalanced. We learn by balancing systems that are unbalanced, not the other way around.

So here I was saying that the learning process of financial debt was an exception to this higher truth. I was saying that I was valuable, honorable and worthy except when I couldn’t fulfill financial obligations. When that happens, I no longer have the right to exist. No wonder I kept drawing this fear to me! I was trying to work my way out of this belief system.

So I had bought into this belief and therefore harbored the fear of that belief within my subconscious. And since I had decided before I incarnated that I wanted to integrate this fear and release myself from this belief, I kept manifesting the circumstances of that fear in my life. Wow! As the energy of this revelation swept through my body like waves, I felt I had discovered something very powerful and life changing.

Step 4: What do I need to do to release this fear?

To release this fear, I had to shift my belief around what creates my self-worth from the physical truth taught me as a child to the spiritual truth I learned as an adult. I needed to remember that spiritual growth is the primary reason that we incarnate in the first place and therefore my value as a human being was determined by the fact that I am a Soul, a spark of God, and it is the only thing that determines my value.

Next, I asked my Soul what else I needed to look at in facing this fear. What other values were there to being in debt? Was there anything else I feared losing? Yes, there was.

Hold onto nothing and you’ll have everything.

This concept is one of the Keys of Compassion and one that I have struggled with in many ways. As I delved deeper into my feelings about this issue, I realized that I was unable to “hold on to nothing” while at the same time desiring something I had gone into debt to acquire. Whether it was a house, a car, or a new business venture, through this process of self-discovery, I realized that each time I unconsciously tied my self-worth to these acquisitions. In other words, if I lost them, my self-worth would be lost along with them. This would again trigger the belief that I in some way was not good enough or smart enough or worthy enough to keep the thing that I desired—another blow to my self-esteem. So when this fear is in place, I cannot help but draw it to me, hence I lose the things that I risk going into debt to acquire.

As I mentally reviewed my past financial history, I realize that I have lost cars, homes, businesses and other items to this fear with each time resulting in a staggering blow to my self-esteem.

So how do I resolve this aspect of my financial debt fear?

For me the solution was to embrace the higher perspective around the possible loss of the item instead of the 3D perspective. In other words when I choose to go into debt to acquire something, I need to do it with the understanding that if I loose it for whatever reason, it has nothing to do with my self-worth and everything to do with my growth process. In other words, I chose to loose the item so that I, as a creator goddess, could experience using my power in that manner. I could learn what it feels like to manifest it and then loose it. It’s the same principle of creating a building out of Lego and then destroying it. There is almost as much fun in destroying it as in creating it. As creator gods/goddesses we are here to learn how each expression of our power feels. So with that understanding I can enter into financial debt knowing that it is just another way that I am experiencing my creative power and that whatever happens as a result is okay. Why? Because spiritual growth is the primary reason that I incarnated here in the first place and that growth will come from the creation and destruction/loss of my desires.

Money and love are the most cherished, most valued and therefore, most powerful energies on the planet. They are also the two energies upon which the majority of our spiritual lessons are based. Money is physical power through which we learn to manifest our desires and love is its emotional counterpart. As creator gods/goddesses we are learning how to use these powers in a balanced and harmonious manner. Through facing my fear of financial debt I was able to see where I had forgotten that I was a creator goddess and that I will always create and destroy my desires as part of my spiritual growth.

As my process of self-discovery drew to a close that morning, I was filled with relief. I went out that day to look at new cars, armed with my new understanding that what ever transpired, I was co-creating it and my self-esteem would be safe. Thank goodness for the higher perspective!

In service,

Jelaila Starr

Reading List

Facing the Fear of Success

9D Nibiruan Council Perspective on Money and Ascension

Running out of Money?

The Power to Manifest Money comes from the Dark

Hold on to Nothing and You’ll Have Everything, the 5th Key of Compassion

Readers Comments

“I was sent an email from a dear friend of mine with your information on it. I read the article you wrote about “The Fear of Being in Debt”. Thank you for your words. I have been in the very same place for the last year. I not only tie my self worth up in finances, but my very existence depends on that credit report to. I have spiraled down into the drain and am holding on by my fingers. Reading your article just now, I’ve come to a place of acceptance. I don’t have the money to pay my mortgage this month due to being laid off in July, my finances have dwindled to “0”. Every time I have put the extra funds away, something comes into my life that I have to use them for. Not finding a job in 6 months has taken it’s toll on my self esteem and made me feel even less of a person then before and not wanting to even go on living. What I realized after reading your article is that Spirit has been trying to get the message to me which I have refused to see. I need to depend on my own self talents and gifts to create a life full of money abundance and happiness. I am going to let go of the “Kung-fu Death Grip” to pay my mortgage and concentrate on doing work from my heart that will bring me joy and the funds I need to take care of my financial obligations. Maybe it’s time for me to be in a different location and not here anymore. It’s not the worst thing that could happen to lose my house, but my soul is torn up and has lots of holes in it. I’m having a difficult time recovering. So, thank you again and great, good fortune in your life!” Yarmila K.

“I have been enjoying your website tremendously. I was drawn to you from your article in Planetlightworker.com, Facing the Fear of Being in Debt, and subsequently the article on fear of success. How well I can identify with your insights! My question is: What exactly is multidimensionality? A short explanation and/or references will be much appreciated. Thanks in advance.” Bonnie B.

“About once a month I drop by for update. I have been asking at my altar for guidance as to why I am on this endless feast/famine cycle. Right now its rather severe famine. I have been asking this question for several months and getting various insights. Trying to integrate the insights and find a structure to lead myself out of the maze has been a trial! This Full Moon I lit a white candle for clarity and today … here’s your article, Facing the Fear of Being in Debt. Is that a quick response from ONENESS or what?? I am copying it so as to read just before going to sleep. I need to make sure I “got it” on all levels. (wink wink).” Thanks, Sylvia, A Pagan Woman