Facing the Fear of Success

Following up on the article Facing the Fear of Being in Debt this article, though about the fear of financial success, specifically deals with the fear of consistent financial success. This fear manifests as an inability to make money consistently enough to accumulate the amount necessary to create a firm financial foundation and sustain it. In other words, we begin making money and get to the point where we can finally put some aside only to get abruptly stopped by some crisis or other situation. It can be an illness or a car accident or some unexpected bill that changes our focus, causing us to lose our momentum. If this cycle occurs more than once or twice in our life, it is considered a block.

For me, it has been a block in my life. I have gone through the cycle at least once every 6 years. With each occurrence it takes me a long time, even years, to get back to that same level of productivity and prosperity. And talk about emotional pain, if you have this block, I don’t have to tell you what a devastating blow this block can be to our self-esteem not to mention the humiliation and shame from losing everything we have worked to so hard to gain.

I have searched for the answer to this problem for several years now, working with therapists and reading scores of self-help books, but it wasn’t recently that I finally understood the block and how to clear it. The answer came through two very powerful guides of Pam’s, a client of mine, while in a counseling session. As one of her questions, she had asked for help in clearing this same block from her life. Their answer both astounded and amazed me because, being multidimensional in nature, it was straightforward, simple and clear. And the fact that this tool had been right in front of me for years, didn’t escape me as I explained it to Pam. But typical of multidimensional tools, it’s the way the pieces fit together that make them so amazingly effective. A great example of this is the Formula of Compassion, the first multidimensional tool that I received back in 1996.

Below is an explanation of the information Pam’s guides gave me. I think you will see, as I did, the simple, clear solution to clearing this devastating pattern in our lives. But being multidimensional in nature, to understand and apply it we must, a) understand this block from the inside out. That means its pattern (the way it usually manifests), the fear that fuels the pattern and the beliefs that fostered the fear and, b) the concepts that form the foundation of the multidimensional tool used to clear it.

The Block

As I understand it, this block has 3 components and thanks to Pam’s guides, we were able to identify each of them.

The beliefs – the beliefs that create the fear and thus, the pattern of behavior are:

  • It is more blessed to give than to receive
  • It is bad to be selfish; only sinners are selfish
  • Women are nurtures and men are the providers
  • When we put the needs of others before our own, we are better people
  • Those who give the most are better, are more worthy and more acceptable than those who give less or ask to receive in return.
  • It’s my responsibility to make sure that those who love me are happy, safe and satisfied. If, for some reason, I’m unable to ensure these 3 things, then it’s because I wasn’t good enough, smart enough, aware enough or even worse being selfish because I was focused on me.

These aren’t necessarily all of the beliefs but they are the ones most commonly found in this block.

The Fear – the fear that we’ll be judged as not good enough or worthy enough or selfish if we don’t do what it takes to follow through on our commitments and responsibilities regardless of whether they are necessary.

The Pattern – the up and down cycle of prosperity that is caused by the Inner Child (IC) putting, a block on the output of daily energy expenditure (I’ll get to that in a minute too).

Now let’s looks at the concepts needed to understand this our multidimensional (MD) tool.

The Inner Child

As I understand it, the Inner Child is the child within all of us who is innocent, playful, creative, and unconditionally loving. And just like a real flesh and blood child, the Inner Child lives in the moment without thought to tomorrow. At some point this child will develop a fearful side just like a flesh and blood child as a result of painful experiences. In its most positive aspect this fear-based side is used to keep the child safe from harm. From a multidimensional perspective, this fear-based aspect of the Inner Child is known as the Ego. For a more complete understanding of the multidimensional Inner Child/Ego, a reading list is available at the end of this article.

In MD IC work, it is also understood that the Inner Child believes that he/she is the body and therefore speaks using the language of the body, the language of physical sensations such as tingling, goose bumps, twitch, aches, pains, rashes, heartache, etc.

The Inner Child/Ego believes that it is his/her job is to keep you safe in the body so that you can complete your incarnation, and that this job is tantamount to his/her existence. In other words, the IC/Ego’s primary focus is survival—in the moment—at all costs. They believe that too much physical and/or emotional pain can cause the body to die and thus cause them to die…and they don’t want to die! Therefore, the Ego side of the Inner Child uses fear as his/her main form of communication as well as the main tool to keep us alive. In regards to this block, as stated earlier, the Inner Child/Ego has created it to save us, not to hurt us.

Energy Expenditure

Energy expenditure is the amount of life force (physical and emotional energy) that we expend each day. It is my understanding that each of us has a limit of how much energy we can expend on a daily basis. That limit is based on our physical and emotional health and varies from day to day. Once that limit is reached we experience fatigue, either physical, mental, emotional or all three.

Energy Expenditure & the Inner Child

Fatigue is part of the Inner Child’s language. Through fatigue he/she is telling us he/she needs to rest and reenergize. The Inner Child physically reenergizes through sleep and emotionally reenergizes through play. Fun is energizing. Imagine that! But, if we push past that limit we deplete our energy reserves and the IC has to take much needed energy from areas such as joints, bones, muscles, etc. to keep the body going. If we do this too often our body begins to break down causing us physical and emotional pain. We can’t consistently deplete the body of critical levels of energy without experiencing the consequences.

If the IC/Ego determines that we don’t listen and have a habit of consistently depleting our reserves, he/she will begin blocking us from doing those things that cause the overdraft. When it comes to achieving consistent financial success, we experience this form of block as a crisis or other event that throws us off track, slowing us down so that we lose our momentum. When we loose momentum we decrease the daily amount of life force that was needed to keep the money flowing at that higher level. This slow down enables the IC/Ego to begin replenishing our now severely deficient energy reserves to stabilize the body.

Now you might ask, what is it about the higher level of prosperity that triggers fear in the IC enough to make him/her react in this manner? It isn’t that the IC fears having the money, it’s the daily over depletion of life to acquire the money that he/she fears! If we habitually go beyond our limits the IC/Ego, will begin blocking the outflow of life force in whatever manner works to keep us alive. What a concept! I bet you’re saying, “Aha! Somehow I knew that!” Sorry for the long-winded explanation but when working with multidimensional concepts we have to take the consciousness jumps in baby steps or it doesn’t make sense.

The Tool: The Energy Account

Pam’s guides used a simple yet very effective analogy to use as a tool to clear this block. They used the analogy of a checking account and called it “The Energy Account.” The Energy Account is a checking account that resides within your body and the dollar amount on deposit is the amount of energy you have to spend. The normal amount you have on deposit when you start your day is $100 dollars. Once you have used it up, that’s it and you experience fatigue. You have to stop, rest and allow your body to recharge (deposit more money back into the account.)

If you keep going and push past the fatigue, you overdraw your account. When that happens your Inner Child feels that drain in the body and communicates that drain as a form of physical pain such as headache, backache, or dizziness. If these overdrafts continue the imbalances they create can manifest as a more serious illness, or if the IC believes an illness will not stop this pattern of life force depletion he/she will resort to using blocks. Blocks are a last resort for the IC/Ego. Why? Because blocks last longer than illnesses and because they last longer, the IC/Ego believes they have a better chance of getting your attention. Blocks act like a dam. They keep all manner of patterns from causing the body to loose too much life force. And because these blocks can be very strong, they carry over from lifetime to lifetime.

Now that we know what the tool is that can clear the block, we have to do the legwork to use it. That involves recognizing and admitting our limits, establishing boundaries to safeguard those limits, and making agreements to let others know what those limits are.

Recognizing and Admitting our Limits

In order to set limits on our energy, we must first know what our limits are. Now this is a tough one for many of us go-getters because we don’t want to admit that our energy limit is less than what we need. To consciously acknowledge that is somehow frightening because when we do admit it to ourselves, we can no longer hide from this truth or justify our energy overdrafts. When I took this step it brought up all kinds of fears in me. For example, it brought up the fear that I wouldn’t be able to do for others as much as I felt I needed to in order to be loved and accepted. It meant that I would have to do the unspeakable: say “No.” Oh my God, I felt my stomach lurch on that one. Yep, admitting to this limit triggers all of our fears around not being good enough or strong enough or whatever enough. For us caretakers, it triggers these fears along with the fear about our self-worth.

If our self-esteem is dependent on being for others, admitting this limit can initially be a real blow. But the good news is that admitting our energy limit allows us to come clean with our Inner Child and through the trust we build with him/her we begin the process of changing the foundation of our self-esteem to that of being for ourselves (self-love).

When we acknowledge our true daily limit to our Inner Child we are in essence saying, “Okay, I know that I only have $75 dollars of energy to spend today instead of $300.” Once we admit this to our Inner Child he/she begins to relax a bit and feel hopeful that we won’t continue to deplete our bodies in the same manner.

Setting Limits

Setting limits means taking a hard, honest look at what we want to expend energy on each day based on the amount we have to expend. I immediately resisted this one because I wanted to do everything. Not only did I want to accomplish everything, I needed to accomplish everything because it gave me a sense of accomplishment and made me feel I was in control of my life. Not getting everything done left me feeling out of control, not good enough and unsafe. And depending on the level of importance I placed on some of those items, I’d have an emotional meltdown and depression when I didn’t get them completed. My self-esteem was tied to my ability to get everything done, be responsible and be there for anyone who needed me no matter where or when.

Setting limits meant that I had to pick and choose among the things on my To Do List each day. Prioritizing people and jobs became a major theme in my life. To get beyond the block to my financial success I had to be willing to tackle prioritizing. Suffice it to say that when I do go with the flow and let go of some of the items on my list, decline or renegotiate commitments, pace myself, and get only part of the things done, I end my day emotionally, mentally and physically calm and balanced.

Establishing Boundaries

Boundaries are, in essence, limits except that they define the outer limit where we end and others begin. Charles W. Whitfield, M.D., author of Boundaries and Relationships, defines boundaries as how far we can go with comfort in a relationship.

In regards to this block and energy expenditure limits, we need to determine where to place the boundaries in each area of our lives. Since we expend energy for physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual needs, we need to establish boundaries in each of those areas. Here’s a personal example of establishing limits and boundaries. I found establishing boundaries in my business to be particularly challenging at first. I was afraid that if I did, I would loose customers. Even though I hated being taken advantage of, still that old tape in my head that says, “Being there, being available 24/7 equals satisfied customers and booming business,” keeps playing. Yes, they were satisfied but I wasn’t. I was depleted emotionally, physically and mentally and it wasn’t long before my enthusiasm for the work disappeared; I was no longer having fun. So, in order to gain control of my life and have fun again, I sat down and wrote up a list of needs. Since I am a writer, a counselor and have products to sell, I had to set limits in each of these areas of my business. Next, I set limits based on those needs.

As a counselor, I have boundaries and limits around my counseling sessions. I take only 12 sessions a week on 3 designated days with a maximum of 4 per day at designated times. I don’t set them before 12 noon and I don’t take them past 6 pm. If a client wants a session at a time other than at one of my designated time slots, I won’t do it and will refer them on. If they can’t do the session on one of my designated days, I’ll do the same. If I don’t do this, clients quickly get the message that I don’t have any boundaries and therefore can be called for counseling anytime of the day or evening, thus reinforcing that old tape mentioned above.

The most important thing to remember about boundaries is that people will respect your boundaries only if you do. If you don’t hold your boundaries, you can’t expect others to do it for you.

Once we have begun setting these boundaries, we must take the final step and let others know what our boundaries are. We do this by making agreements.

Making Agreements

An agreement is a verbal or written arrangement by which a designated set of needs is fulfilled. In this instance, an agreement is how we let others know what our needs or energy limits are and where the boundary line is drawn. Through our agreements we let others know to what extent we will expend energy for any particular thing or situation. For example, I have an agreement with my Inner Child regarding exercise. I agree to do my exercise in the morning and for a minimum of 30 minutes 5 days a week. This is a sacred covenant between her and me and it is one of the ways in which I can build trust and show self-love. So how do I hold this boundary and honor my exercise agreement in my relationships with others? With my husband and child, I let them know that this is my exercise time and they are on their own during that time. In business, I don’t start work until after my exercise routine is done. In each area of my life, I have created agreements to let others know about this need.

Here are a few additional tips to keep in mind about limits, boundaries and agreements:

  • It takes time to figure out what your energy limits are.
  • It takes time to figure out where the boundaries for your energy should be set.
  • Agreements are made out of needs and are best established as those needs become clear.
  • Agreements only work when all those involved are getting their needs met
  • Agreements are renegotiable as needs change
  • Be patient with yourself and your Inner Child. Self-love (loving our Inner Child) is developed through patience in finding our limits and determining our needs, building trust through integrity and follow through, acceptance of our imperfections, and kindness to ourselves when we don’t get it right.

With limits, boundaries and agreements we can apply the Energy Account Tool. Applying this tool in my life has been a wonderful healing experience. I find that when I am clear about my limits, hold those limits through boundaries and negotiate agreements to safeguard them with others, I stay more balanced, calm and satisfied. This in turn leads to greater creativity because I am centered with enough energy in my second chakra for that to occur.

In closing, I hope this explanation of the Consistent Financial Success Block and the examples of how to use the Energy Account Tool will aid you in clearing this block from your life. Financial prosperity is our birthright. We just have to clear the blocks in our way in order to achieve it.

Richest blessings,

Jelaila Starr

Written December 28, 2001

Reading List

Inner Child Work (books):

Healing the Child Within by Charles W. Whitfield, M.D.

Boundaries and Relationships by Charles W. Whitfield, M.D.

Multidimensional Inner Child Work (booklets):

The Soul/Ego/Self Partnership, the 3rd Multidimensional Key of Compassion

The Open Door, the 4th Multidimensional Key of Compassion

The Agreements Key, the 7th Multidimensional Key of Compassion

Multidimensional Inner Child Work and related Articles:

Are the Inner Child and the Ego the Same?

Make your Inner Child your Partner

Give your Inner Child a Say

Is your Inner Child Blocking your Ascension?

The Formula of Compassion

Facing the Fear of Being in Debt