When We Don’t Bond with Our Inner Child
This is the first of 3 articles dedicated to strengthening the relationship with the Inner Child; a vital component to ascension. Part 1 is intended to support those who struggle to connect with their Inner Child at the start. Though challenging, it doesn’t have to hold us back.
When a new mother gives birth she may feel ambivalent toward her newborn. Days or months can pass before bonding occurs. A similar ambivalence occurs to many people when reuniting with their Inner Child (IC) after beginning therapy or DNA Recoding. In this case, years can pass before bonding occurs. My self included. I felt ambivalent to my IC for 3 years after meeting her when I began DNA Recoding.
Failure to bond with our IC equals an inability to adequately fulfill our needs and wants. (It is the cause and the effect – I’ll get into that later). The result is the delay of health, happiness, and ascension. In this article, I will begin by explaining the consequences of not bonding to our IC. Second, I will try to explain why some of us are unable to form this bond. And finally, we’ll look at how to possibly overcome this.
The price we pay of not bonding to our IC
I was so thrilled to start the DNA Recoding process that I couldn’t sleep at night, but the 3rd and 4th Keys of Compassion (reuniting with the IC) suddenly made me very sleepy. My IC was only 3 years old, very shy and gloomy. I wondered if she was competent to do anything for or with me. It was a chore talking and playing with her in our imaginary playground, but I trusted the process set forth by the 9D Nibiruans, so I made her as much of a partner as I could. I cared for her but didn’t love her. I didn’t know how.
As expected, I paid the price during my Recoding process. I wasn’t sure what my needs and wants were. Often I didn’t get what my lessons were about. And the worst part was fruitless conflict resolution with others. My usual response to conflict came in 3 choices: a) run away from the person in a fit of rage or fear, b) scream obscenities at the other person, or c) allow myself to be walked-on or invalidated to avoid rejection…which meant that sooner or later I would react passive-aggressively against the other person. What a mess!
Failure to bond with the IC results in unmet needs and wants. But the inability to fulfill our own needs and wants prevents bonding in the first place. Yikes! This sticky situation creates dysfunctional behavior and relationships. Some common examples are listed below. Humans are varied and complex, so it’s impossible to list all the consequences, which is why the “self help” section of the bookstore is so large. See if you can add your own experiences to this list.
Consequences of not bonding with the Inner Child
- Limited Feelings (both light and dark) – We experience mostly surface feelings. The IC houses all our feelings, so old pain cannot be felt and released which habituates dysfunctional behavior and inhibits healing, compassion, joy, and all the good stuff.
- Lying – The ego (dark aspect of the IC) lies for acceptance from others since it doesn’t have the full acceptance of us (the self). And others lie to us because we cannot be trusted with the truth.
- Feeling Victimized – We are unable to see the higher perspective that we co created the event because we have not adequately cleared the pain of the IC.
- Blocked Success – The feelings/fears of our IC are not considered, so the ego blocks our success in order to protect us from physical and/or emotional hurt.
- Addictions – We self medicate the pain we are not facing.
- Physical Dis-ease – Our IC stuffs “undesirable” feelings away in the body.
- We Give but Wont Receive – Our IC wants to gain the acceptance of others since it is not receiving it from us. We become passive and clingy, and others become irritated by us and avoid us.
- Need to Control – To avoid being triggered we try to control our environment and perfect our surroundings. Others react angrily at us for interfering.
- Rage at Others – Stuffed feelings explode on “weaker” people like passive spouses, children, and pets. This creates hostile relationships.
- No Boundaries – Without knowing what our own needs are, we set ourselves up to be taken advantage of. And since we lack the concept of what is and is not acceptable, we encroach on the needs of others.
- Passive Aggressive – Anger or resentment that isn’t expressed leaks out thru covert means and ruins any trust others had in us.
- Relationship Patterns – We are stuck attracting the same abusive relationships because we haven’t faced the original (old) pain that started the pattern.
- Immaturity – We act childish in an attempt to gain our needs and wants from others…again, because we (the self) cannot provide.
… Let me stop here, I could go on forever!
What caused our inability to bond with our IC?
Now that we’ve recognized the consequences, why are we unable to nurture ourselves and bond with our IC? As I understand it, 2 things are responsible: An un-readiness to feel the IC’s pain; and The Earth Systems.
- An Un-Readiness to Feel the IC’s Pain. There is a protective mechanism in the brain that compartmentalizes fear based childhood memories that cannot be integrated at such a young age – which is when most emotional wounds occur. (The technical term for this is Dissociative Memory Function). The result is a disconnection or vagueness to those childhood feelings and memories.
The IC houses all those feelings and memories of childhood. As an adult we no longer need this brain response because we are able to integrate fear based feelings. However, the fearful aspect of the IC (the ego) is still afraid that its memories and feelings will threaten us which is why we are blocked from fully connecting to him/her. After all, the ego’s job is to protect us. With that said, it seems that the IC/ego itself stands in the way of bonding.
- The Earth Systems. Society further shuts down our dark (fear based) feelings by attaching shame to excessive emotion. An inability to fully feel disables us from clearing our emotional blocks and discerning what we need and want – thus opening the door for the media and society to tell us what we need and want. For example, if a man who was abandoned by his mother knew he needed his mothers love, he wouldn’t “need” to buy that Ferrari to impress women. Furthermore, the Earth Systems add to our emotional blocks by targeting our self-esteem.
Check out the following examples of Earth System messages that serve to shut down our feelings and lower self-esteem (some examples may be outdated):
- Government: People are unruly and need policing. Obey authority.
- School: Focus on the left side of your brain. There is little room for alternative thought. You need a formal education to succeed. Girls are weaker than boys in math and science. Poetry is for sissies.
- Religion: Fear God. It is better to give than to receive. We are born sinners. You must go thru a priest to find God. Women are lesser than men.
- Medical/Psychiatric: The body is born defective – get vaccinated. Stuff your emotions with pills.
- Media: You need material things to be liked. Be like celebrities. You can’t be too thin or too rich. Beauty over brains. Women are sex objects.
- Family culture: Don’t complain. Obey authority. Girls are nice and boys don’t cry. Children are to be seen and not heard. Become a lawyer for daddy.
- Frequency Fence: This is not a system but it can biophysically manipulate us to be depressed.
How do we overcome disconnection with our IC?
The simplest way to find that connection with your IC is to continue emotional clearing. As we feel and process our emotional blocks we will be able to nurture ourselves and escape the bounds of a fearful ego and the brainwashing Earth Systems. The result is an undeniable self love and acceptance of our IC.
Tips to keep you on your emotional clearing course:
- Be Ready for Change. I had had enough pain before declaring to the Universe that I didn’t want to live with the consequences of a weak IC bond anymore. By setting that intention, we allow the Universe to give us what we need to advance our emotional clearing thus bridging the gap between ourselves and the IC.
- Continue Expressing Anger. Anger is the densest emotion we harbor and also the easiest dark emotion to release (as opposed to fear and pain which attach to the deeper layers of the IC’s wounds). Eventually as the layers of anger are peeled away we become prepared to handle deeper wounds, thus making it easier to bond to our IC. Remember that our fear (whether we are conscious of it or not) of the IC’s dark feelings and memories is one of the factors that prevent bonding.
- Move at a Comfortable Pace. The self must consider both sides of the IC: the light aspect that wants to detoxify the body of emotional blocks; and the dark aspect (the ego) that wants to avoid pain. Find a reasonable pace as not to overwhelm your system. When ready, ask your IC to show you its deeper layers. You don’t need a tight bond with him/her before he/she will show you scenes of the past. My IC showed me less painful scenes, to warm me up, before showing me core/original pain.
- Be prepared for complexity as it takes a lot for our society to transform us from a balanced spiritual being into a dysfunctional being. Any kind of healing, including DNA Recoding, can still occur without a complete bond with our IC. Often we are not prepared for the really painful issues until a certain amount of preparatory healing has occurred or until we complete recoding.
- Unblock Yourself. If you feel blocked, simply ask your IC, your guides, or God to show you what is blocking and where the door is. The answers could come instantaneously or take days. You should be guided to a unique process that is all your own.
- Find a Supportive Person to Express Your Feelings With. Being validated helps us to move past emotional blocks, resolve our own problems, and gain insights and multiple perspectives.
In sum, when we don’t bond with our IC we face the consequences of an inability to nurture the self, and we live with dysfunctional behaviors and relationships. The cause of the disconnection with him/her is a shutting down of our emotions, coupled with low-self esteem and an inability to adequately nurture ourselves. We overcome these obstacles by gradually continuing emotional clearing and peeling away layer after layer until the deepest issues are exposed and the ego feels safe.
In closing, I still have work to do in bonding with my IC. But I’m making progress and learning a lot as I go. In a Universe where trial and error is the name of the game, learning is all that matters.
Laura Adams Boak
Written 20 April 2007
The 7 Stages of Emotional Clearing
Navigating the Steps of Emotional Clearing
For more about Dissociative Memory.
Laura writes from experience and knowledge of the Keys of Compassion coupled with universal/spiritual laws to assist us in finding our personal power and inner truth.