There are times in our lives when we have to step back and see a situation for what it really is rather than what we want it to be. And when we see that it is not giving us what we want, we must make the tough decision to let go. I know, easier said than done.
Part of the reason is that our fears get in the way clouding our judgement and making it harder to see the truth. I’ve been going through such a situation lately and thought that though it’s a bit embarrassing, nevertheless, it might be beneficial to share. So, here goes (taking a deep breathe).
First, a little background.
Due to the nature of this work, with all the workshops and retreats, I wanted a place where clients could stay overnight rather than in a hotel. To that end, I purchased a home with 4 roomy bedrooms and baths. Located near a large park (the one I sent to to do much of the grid work at the beginning of the mission), I moved in and thoroughly enjoyed turning it into a home and work/workshop space.
All went great with the rooms being used nearly every month. When the economy changed back in early 2009, things situation changed dramatically. Frightened by economic uncertainty clients stopped flying in so I had to start traveling. To maintain the office status per the IRS, the rooms had to continue to be rented. I began doing longer term rentals on 2 of them, keeping one free family and such. Most of the time I rent to business people who are here for several months and don’t want to stay in an extended stay hotel. There is also the occasional counseling client who wants to explore becoming a counselor/spiritual teacher (much more fun). Now you are up to speed.
Brian a 38 year old single guy, here for several months on a contract job, answered my ad. After spending about an hour talking with him, I felt that overall he would be okay. But, I felt a red flag waving at me yet figure out what it was. After checking his references (all glowing, of course), I put my concerns aside and decided to rent him the downstairs room.
Brian agreed to stop by the following Wednesday to drop off his deposit. Move in would be the following Sunday. Well, he didn’t show and he didn’t call. (Second red flag.)
I texted him the next day asking what happened. He immediately responded with an explanation. Since he had crossed what I call a common courtesy type of boundary, I texted back, “A call or text when plans change would be appreciated.” I suspected that I now knnew the nature of my initial red flag–communication.
Uneasy, but not yet ready to write him off for one infraction, I decided to let things go for another few days and see if he contacted me. He did about a week later. After talking we agreed to a new move in date. Since he was out of town till the end of the month, he agreed to send a deposit to hold the room. Well– it’s been 4 days. He has not called or texted to explain why. (3rd red flag.)
When I get 3 red flags, the first one being an initial concern, I know it’s time to let go. Yes, Brian will probably call offering an apology and another excuse, but I can already see the writing on the wall. Communication issues will continue and only get worse. I’m too old that, not to mention I know better.
So how do you know when it is time to left go? When you have an initial concern that is then followed by at least 2 red flags. if the red flags are of the same nature such as a lack of communication, then you can be sure that things won’t get better. Remember, we are not here to change others, instead we are here to change our response. Had I allowed Brian to move in, I would have felt the need to try to get him to improve his communication with me. That would have only led to hard feelings and a strained relationship. My other option was to accept him as he is but not take him on as a roommate.
I may go through another month w/o a renter but it’s better than a month of hell. I’ll just ask my guides to send someone else and this time be more specific by including that they be a good communicator. Hope this helps.
Have a great week.