My Mother’s Mirror

The mother/child relationship; there’s just nothing else like it.  It represents how we nurture and cherish ourselves.  When the mother role is a good one, children grow up with healthy boundaries and a strong sense of their worth.  They grow into individuals who can care for and love themselves and others.  But when the role is fraught with dysfunction, it can produce a child who struggles to learn these same things.  This message is for those of the later category, the damaged ones still struggling not only with loving themselves, but with the burdens of unresolved pain and anger.

My mother has been gone for nearly 3 years now, but the painful emotions of our relationship still live on.  Like layers of an onion, I have worked to peel away the anger, pain and feelings of inconsolable loss.  Even equipped with the higher dimensional tools of compassion it has been hard.  But just recently I had a breakthrough, one that was so profound that I no longer harbor any anger at all.  I felt it important to share in case it can help someone else do the same.

The Compassion Key is a higher dimensional technique that enables us to see another’s role and how they would have had to be raised to fulfill that role.  I repeatedly used this Key to peel the layers of pain around my mother/daughter relationship.  But with all the clearing I had done, there was still residual anger; I just couldn’t seem to release it.  I knew that as long as that anger existed, it would act as a lens through which I viewed my relationships, and the unresolved anger would continue to be triggered by events both personal and otherwise.  Moreover, seeing as how we are at a very critical time in our ascension process, I knew that anger could and would be a stumbling block to achieving peace within (so important right now).  Yep, needed to clear it but how?

Standing in my mother’s shoes.

A few days ago, as I sat looking out at the evening sky it came to me—though I had gone back through my mother’s childhood in order to understand how she became the person she was, I had not yet seen how the lack of love had played such a significant role.  What I saw shocked me.  Mom had known very little love after the age of 9 when her sister and closest friend died suddenly.  After having lost yet a second child my grandmother fell into deep depression, emotionally abandoning all her children.  From that point on my mother gave the nurturing but received very little.

I also realized that mom never knew what it was like to be in love.  At 18 and fresh out of high school my mom met my dad at a USO dance.  Though my father knew he would marry my mother the moment he laid eyes on her (how romantic!) it was not mutual.  Though attracted by my dad’s many charms, my mom wanted to take it slow and get to know him and his family.  But due to the lingering North/South prejudice, Mom was somewhat railroaded into marriage.  My grandparents  would not allow her to travel north to meet his family without getting married while she was there. So mom found herself married to a man she barely knew, a man who loved her but due to his difficult childhood traumas was nearly incapable of nurturing. My mother spent the next 58 years with a man she didn’t love, (a fact that my father didn’t realize till many years later). How incredibly sad for them both.

Seeing myself through my mother’s eyes

Going further, I realized I had never looked at myself through Mom’s eyes…I had never thought about whether I was the daughter she had dreamed of.  Mom had always wanted a girl and had hoped with all her might that child #4 would be it.  As I look back I realize that I did a lot to disappoint my mother.  Two things immediately come to mind.  1. I left home at the age of 22 and moved 500 miles away.  This after embarrassing her because I broke off my then 3rd engagement.  (It was a big deal in our church for girls to be married by 20 and have a least one child in tow.)  Then there was the fact that I left that church and went in a whole different direction.  I can’t tell you how this frightened my mother, how she prayed and prayed for my soul.

I never considered how she felt about all the ways I disappointed her, especially the fact that I never moved back near her so that we could have a close relationship. No, I never thought of how abandoned she may have felt…and yet she still loved me…

Our final years were some of the most challenging.  During the last six months of her life, she suddenly cut off all communication with me. It wasn’t until after she died that I discovered the reasons behind her strange behavior.  Mom had fallen head over heels in love—but with a con man.  Over the course of three years this man scammed her out of every penny she had—all the annuities and other funds my father had left.  Once Mom had no more money to give him, he abandoned her and moved on.  Mom was so ashamed, not to mention heart broken, she couldn’t face telling us.   She died of a heart attack (broken heart) six months later.

I was so angry with Mom that I didn’t attend her funeral.  The pain of her apparent abandonment triggered all the unresolved hurt I had felt as a child.  It has taken me a while but I can see it through her eyes now.  In her final years my mother finally experienced the joy, excitement and headiness of falling in love, and though it cost Mom her self-respect along with every penny she had, finally knowing that love was worth it.  How often have I gambled my all for a chance at love only to have it be an illusion…and all because I, too, did not really know what love is?  I see the mirror.

The Inner Child/Inner Love Mirror

The Formula of Compassion is a higher dimensional tool that allows us to see the reason why we draw certain people and situations into our life.  It enables us to “find the mirror” in the same. Once I realized that my mother struggled to love herself, and realized the price she paid because she didn’t, I was able to see that what she gave was the best she could give.  Moreover she gave it in spite of how I treated her.

In closing, when I look at our relationship from the soul perspective I see that though I wasn’t the daughter my mom dreamed of, and she wasn’t the mother I wanted, we were exactly what the other needed, perfect mirrors of broken little girls desperately searching for love.  What we needed to see was that the love we sought had to be found within.


The Compassion Key

The Formula of Compassion

About the author:
Jelaila Starr is an internationally known speaker, and author of We are the Nibiruans, Book One and Mission Remembered, Book Two. Through her lectures, workshops, Jelaila’s message has touched the hearts of people around the globe providing hope, inspiration, and understanding.

As a gifted psychic/intuitive counselor, Jelaila works with individuals to assist them with emotional clearing, and DNA Recoding. Jelaila’s unique approach enables her clients to discover who they are, what they came to do and how to achieve it. Jelaila can be reached at: Email:



3 thoughts on “My Mother’s Mirror

  • February 24, 2017 at 3:50 pm

    So sorry to hear of this sad ending for you and your mom. It’s amazing how many ways humans can hurt each other and themselves! My mother keeps trying to learn how she abandons herself by creating others abandoning her and lately by sending them away. She hasn’t learned that she has to love herself either. I love her anyway and wish I could help her.

  • February 20, 2017 at 3:25 pm

    I perfectly understand you Jelaila…I still have my mother and I see her struggling with all her children….I have hatred her and loved her at the same time……..but like you say, she is our mirror…..thank you for your interest in helping us.
    Lots of love.

  • February 20, 2017 at 9:50 am

    Very enlightening as I’m still trying to figure this out for myself, mother daughter and why all the pain.

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