Thanks to all who responded to the last weekly message, Finding the Value in Grief and Depression. Not only was I surprised by the number of responses, I was surprised by how much people appear to need to talk about these topics. This fits with where I feel my next step is taking me. With the work of the Nibiruans all but done, the next step is to move into helping humanity move through whatever changes must take place in order to create our new collective reality. And as you know, with change comes loss, loss of what was on all levels and in all areas of life.
Perhaps that is why the fallout of loss is so “in our faces” now and why so many are searching for how to move through it. So today I want to talk about the anger stage of grief because it is the stage in which most people get stuck.
In my own experience, not to mention those of so many clients over my 18+ years of counseling, getting to the anger is the part of the grieving process that stops us in our tracks. Until we can get through it, we are unable to move on. Here is why I think this occurs along with some thoughts that might help get us over the hump.
It’s unjustified: “I don’t have the right to be angry.”
As much as I have worked with the higher perspective, I found that I fell prey to the cultural belief that anger over the death of a loved one is unjustified. Each time I opened the lid of that box I immediately shut it because I felt I was being selfish. “How can I be angry at my brother for dying when he was in so much pain?” The guilt and shame over having the anger effectively shut me down. What I noticed from that point was that I’d sink into depression to medicate the pain of not only the anger, but also the guilt and shame.
We are taught that the pain of the one who has died is the only pain that matters so there is no reason for us to be angry … unless it is on behalf of that person. To be angry over being left behind, over feeling abandoned, like we didn’t matter is unjustified. But as we now know those feelings are valid. Regardless of why the person died, we have been left behind, abandoned, left to continue on without that person in our lives. These feelings, this anger is a natural and normal response, therefore, it needs to be felt and released. This is why I feel we get stuck in the anger stage.
What can we do to get in touch with the anger and move through it?
- Give yourself permission to have the anger.
- Give your inner child permission to take the lid off that box.
- Ask your Soul/Higher Self to help you.
- When the anger surfaces, physically express it in the way that feels right at that moment.
There is something almost magical that occurs when we give ourselves and our respective Inner Child permission to feel the anger. It begins to surface in bits and pieces. Sometimes it is tears and others an almost irrational outburst. The key here is to recognize that when it comes, to acknowledge, bless it and move through it.
It’s been three years since I lost my brother to suicide. Only now, after all this time, is the anger beginning to surface. Though the days of sadness, of numbness, unexpected tears and moments of seemingly irrational anger over the simplest things are challenging, I am thankful that it’s finally emerging. It tells me that I’m coming to the end of this journey and soon the peace will come.