Make Your Inner Child Your Partner

As a spiritual counselor, I have had the honor and privilege of working with veteran Lightworkers. What I mean is that they have been on the spiritual path for 15 years or more. One lady in her 90s had been on the path for over 70 years. When I work with these individuals I have to fight my feelings of inadequacy…I have only been on the path for 7 years. I ask myself, “Who am I to counsel people that know far more than I?” I feel like a child talking to an adult.

Without exception, when I do counsel with these highly enlightened individuals, I find they have the same challenge, they do not have a clear communication link with their guides and they cannot seem to manifest what they want to manifest. One gentleman said to me, “Jelaila, I use intentions, I visualize having the thing in my life that I desire, I use daily affirmations, I have done emotional clearing, etc, etc. but still I cannot manifest my desire. What am I missing, what am I doing wrong?” They are frustrated, desperately trying to hold on to their faith in the spiritual path and themselves. My heart aches for them.

So I ask, “Have you done any Inner Child work?” Invariably they answer, “Yes, I have and I feel I completed that healing years ago.” I reply, “Well, perhaps then, it is time to go to the next step and begin working with the Inner Child as a partner. Perhaps there is another level of healing that can only be accomplished once you have reached the point in your spiritual evolution where you can now understand and use it.” What do you think? Usually there is silence on the other end of the line as they contemplate my questions. Then they reply, “Well, I’m willing to look at it but I can’t see how Inner Child work could be the answer to my manifestation and communication problems.” Once again I fight my feelings of inadequacy in the face of such knowledgeable people and say, “It is not that you are doing anything wrong, in fact, you are doing everything right, but there is one thing that is missing and that is what we will discuss today. Agreed?” “Yes, yes, they say in a voice filled with hope and excitement, that would be wonderful.” That missing piece is the subject of this article and what I wish to share with you today.

Are you frustrated that you cannot manifest your desires no matter how many affirmations, verbal intentions and creative visualization techniques you use? Are you beginning to feel that all those hours spent in workshops learning how to manifest were of little value after all? Are you frustrated that after all your years of emotional clearing and spiritual training, you cannot hear and speak clearly with your guides or still doubt that you hear and therefore fear to trust what you hear? Well there is an answer and that answer is the Inner Child and your relationship with him or her.

Now you may ask, “Why would the Inner Child be the answer to my manifestation and communication issues? How could my relationship, or lack thereof, be behind my inability to hear and see my guides and manifest my dreams? Well, let’s take a look at that. In order to explain this concept, there is some background information needed.

Who and what is the Inner Child?

The Inner Child, from my understanding, is the part of You, the conscious part of you that is reading this article, which exists in your mind. He/she is that innocent part of you that is much like a child, so much so in fact that we call it the Inner Child. The Inner Child is trusting, loving, playful and free. But there is another side to the Inner Child. That side is what I have come to call the Ego. The Ego, to me, is the Dark side of the Inner Child and, I might add, has great value. Why is explained next.

The Inner Child/Ego is charged with keeping you safe

The Ego or Dark side of the Inner Child, is part of a threesome. That threesome is You, the Self, your Soul or Higher Self and your Inner Child (see the Soul/Ego/Self Partnership, the 3rd Key of Compassion booklet for more information). Together all three of you move through your current incarnation toward the goals for spiritual growth that you chose before you came into this life. It is also my understanding that spiritual growth is the primary reason souls choose to incarnate.

Within that threesome, the Ego is the one who protects your physical body. Where the Inner Child is free, playful and innocent, it’s Dark side or lower chakra side, is the one that seeks to keep you safe from harm. Harm includes both emotional and physical harm with the main form of harm being pain. Now this might be a stretch for those of you who have not read the Multidimensional Keys of Compassion booklets or any of my other articles on this subject so please keep an open mind and bear with me if and until you do.

As I have explained many times, I have come to understand that the Inner Child/Ego sees itself as the physical vehicle and just like any child will do whatever it takes to protect itself from harm. To explain the concept of the Inner Child and the Ego being the same, I often use the analogy of a 5-year old being thrown out into the streets of New York to survive on its own. It won’t take long before that playful, innocent and loving child learns to steal, cheat, and fight to protect itself. It learns to use fear to protect itself.

To me, the Ego is the summation of all the survival instincts of the Inner Child. And I believe that without those survival instincts and skills, that 5-year old would quickly die on the streets, hence the value of the Ego. In our lives it is the Ego part of the Inner Child that keeps us safe from harm, and in its efforts to protect us, it can block us if it feels that something we are attempting to do will create harm.

There is one thing that the Inner Child/Ego fears more than anything else…your rejection. You see, the Inner Child/Ego sees You, the Self as his/her parent. As a result, your rejection can have a powerful affect on him. Just think of what it is like when you get rejected by your mother or father. It can strike you to your core. How many times have you found yourself living your life to please your parents or get their approval in some way? How many of you reading this article have discovered through your emotional clearing work that you subconsciously made major life choices such as your choice of career or spouse, or what college you attended just to please your parents? Pretty astounding, huh? Well, the Inner Child/Ego does the same thing. The Inner Child lives for your acceptance and its Dark side, the Ego will do whatever it has to do to be loved and accepted by You.

How do we reject our Inner Child? We do so through:

  1. Negative self-talk
  2. Defending yourself when you really don’t need to

Let’s look at the first one. Negative self-talk is very damaging to the Inner Child/Ego. When we say things such as “I’m stupid” or “How could I have been so dumb?” we are actually saying that to our Inner Child/Ego. He/she hears it as “You’re stupid” or “How could you have been so dumb.” When you were a child, how did you feel when or parents said those things to you? Didn’t it cut you to the core and make you feel as though you were worthless? Did you still feel loved by your parents at that moment? Did you still feel that you were accepted and valuable? How you felt back then is just exactly how your Inner Child feels when you use negative self-talk. This is why it is so destructive.

What does the Inner Child/Ego do when we use negative self-talk? He or she will seek to avoid, block or eliminate the thing that is causing the pain that creates the desire for negative self-talk. So for example, if you are trying to change careers and in the past that choice has failed, with the outcome being that you say to yourself, “How could I have been so stupid as to think I could change careers?” the Inner Child/Ego will block any attempt to change careers. Does this make sense?

Secondly, we hurt our Inner Child/Ego when we needlessly defend ourselves in the face of conflict. Many people confuse defending oneself, i.e., standing up for oneself with defending one’s right to be. Here’s an example. My mother says to me when I inform her that I will not be home for the holidays because I have chosen to spend them with my friends, “How could you be so selfish?” When I stand up for myself I say, “You have a right to your opinion, Mom.” If I needlessly defend myself, I say, “I’m not being selfish; there’s no law that states I have to spend every Christmas dinner with you!” or something to that effect. Do you see the difference? Each time we needlessly defend ourselves we are trying to get the other person’s approval and therefore give our power away. We also send the message that they are right and we are wrong, making it necessary to defend our position. If we are truly standing in our truth, we have no need to defend that truth to anyone, do we?

When we needlessly defend, we leave our Inner Child vulnerable to attack. I use the analogy of a nurse guarding the infant prince/princess in the castle turret. There are windows on all sides except for one small area where the cradle resides. Each time we react to someone’s accusations we (the nurse) leave the side of the infant/Inner Child/Ego and rush to the window where the intruder/accuser is trying to get in, leaving the infant vulnerable to attack. If we allow others to feel whatever feelings they have regarding our position/choices, we never leave the side of the infant and they remain safe and secure.

How do we resolve this problem with the Inner Child/Ego?

Now that we have seen why the Inner Child/Ego would block us and what we do to create the perceived need for that blockage, let’s look at what we can do to make the Inner Child/Ego our partner in our daily life and thus resolve this issue so that the Inner Child/Ego will stop blocking our attempts to communicate with our guides and manifest our desires.

  1. Re-establish the relationship with your Inner Child/Ego. Every partnership is a relationship. For most people the relationship with the Inner Child/Ego remained intact until they reached school age. From that time forth, they were taught to not be too imaginative and to strengthen the left hemisphere of the brain over the right hemisphere. And rewards were based on left-brain abilities more so than right brain abilities. Information on how to re establish this partnership can be found in the Soul/Ego/Self Partnership booklet.
  2. As in any partnership, make and keep agreements with the Inner Child/Ego as to how you will work together. Making and keeping your agreements will enable you to build trust and rapport with your Inner Child/Ego. Keep in mind that for most of us this relationship has been either fragmented or nonexistent for some time and therefore will take time to rebuild so be patient. Once hurt the Inner Child/Ego does not readily trust again even though it wants to. More information on the specific agreements can be found in The Open Door, the 4th Multidimensional Key of Compassion.
  3. Spend at least 5 minutes a day talking with your Inner Child/Ego. This is one of the most powerful things you can do to build trust and confidence. If the Inner Child/Ego knows that it can count on at least 5 minutes of undivided attention from you each day, you will find him/her more inclined to release blocks when asked to do so. If, on the other hand, you do not spend time with your Inner Child/Ego for long periods of time, you can be assured that it will use any tool available to it to avoid that from continuing. The Inner Child/Ego wants to talk to you and have your attention, just like your own children do.
  4. Discuss your desires and aspirations with your Inner Child/Ego before you take the steps to begin manifesting them. Most blocks occur because You, the Self are making choices without communicating those choices to your Inner Child/Ego. Part of self-love is loving your Inner Child/Ego. If we make decisions that affect them without their input, how loving is that? And keep in mind that it is your Inner Child/Ego that is responsible for keeping you safe.
  5. When a block occurs, go straight to your Inner Child/Ego and ask them why they feel the need to block. Allow them to express their answer through physical sensations such as pain in the body and flashbacks. They will answer….always. The Inner Child/Ego has memory of every lifetime you have ever lived just as the Soul/Higher Self does. If they feel that you are attempting to make a move that once created a lot of pain or even death, they will seek to block it. They don’t want you to hurt again. The Inner Child/Ego is not your enemy; he/she is your bodyguard so work with, not against him/her. When you do, your life will flow.

When I explained this concept and the steps for working with the Inner Child/Ego to my veteran Lightworker clients, they were amazed. In all their work, they had never come across this concept of making the Inner Child their partner. Some were a little skeptical but they all agreed to give it a shot. Once they began to do it they were thrilled with how much easier it was to manifest and were finally able to communicate with their guides. After a few months they reported that the partnership gave them a great sense of fulfillment and satisfaction. One woman reported, “Now I realize that my Inner Child/Ego is a real part of me…I feel so loved!

These ideas are higher dimensional concepts and therefore will only make sense to those who are ready to embrace multidimensionality in its fullest. I hope they help you.

In service,

Jelaila Starr

Written January 24, 2001

Additional Reading

Are the Inner Child and the Ego the Same?

The Soul/Ego/Self Partnership, 3rd Key of Compassion

The Open Door, 4th Key of Compassion