It’s All In The Details

Have you ever noticed that when the Soul decides that it is time for a lesson, the “opportunities” to learn that lesson begin cropping up repeatedly? It is as though our soul is saying, “Whatever it takes, however many times it takes, we will get this.”

Keeping in mind the higher dimensional principle that what we draw into our lives is there because we need to learn from it, I’ve drawn the lesson of “details” repeatedly this past week. Not only has it occurred for each of my clients, it has occurred for me with one of my roommates, Maggie. (not her real name). Because the lesson with Maggie has been the most costly, I’m using it as the example.

Maggie, a lovely 40 something lady was picking up the pieces of her shattered life after a divorce from her husband of 18 years. When asked why the divorce occurred (you learn a lot about a person from that answer) Maggie said her husband had been having an affair. Maggie said she was blindsided when she found out; she never saw any signs. Having gone through a similar situation in the past (a boyfriend; not a husband), I empathized. Because my home has become a place of healing, where a person can take the time and space to rebuild their lives, I agreed to let Maggie stay.

If I’ve learned anything in my 50+ years, it is that when your life becomes overburdened with obligations, and you are going so fast the details are overlooked, you will pay. It didn’t take long to see that this was occurring for Maggie. Juggling a full-time job, a very demanding boyfriend and a grandchild, left Maggie with little time for herself. In fact, over the 3 months that Maggie was here, she did not spend a single weekend here. Each Friday she drove the 2 hours to her boyfriend’s house to spend the weekend.

We know the price we pay when we don’t give ourselves time to do self-care. Self-care allows us to release built up stress by slowing down to process our thoughts and feelings about the multitude of events that have recently occurred. In the time that Maggie was here, she did not give herself that opportunity.

Maggie’s lease came to an end this past week. I have a clearly laid out and detailed procedure for move out that includes a written list for cleaning. My roommates simply have to follow that list and check off the items as they complete them. Once they are done they turn over their key. They receive their deposit money back based on that list. Most of the time, the full deposit is returned and all is well. I prefer it all be returned because that means that we end our time together on a positive note. Unfortunately, this move out was going to happen that way.

Getting home late the night before she was to move out, Maggie was moving in high gear. Because she had little time to get the linens washed before bed, she started a load. I was downstairs and could hear her moving around overhead. Fifteen minutes later the wash machine starts making that whop, whop, whop sound that indicates it is out of balance. I run upstairs to stop it. Opening the lid I am surprised to find that not only has it been overloaded with a queen size set of rose colored sheets, a full set of thick rose colored towels, a white queen size mattress pad is also stuffed inside.

I pull out the mattress pad as Maggie emerges from her room a few feet away. She had not noticed the whopping sound machine and only came out because she heard me. A conversation about not overloading or mixing whites and colored clothes ensues. Because it is now bedtime, the machines are stopped as they are next to the bedrooms. Maggie agrees to get up early and finish the sheets before heading off to work.

Per prior arrangement, I am showing the room that evening at 5pm. Maggie has already stated that she will not be home till 6:30pm. Perfect.

7:45am the next morning – I meet Maggie in the hall. She is on her way out the door. Maggie tells me she left me a text message the night before–she has again lost her key and believes it was in the load of sheets just put through the wash. She also informs me that she got up late and was not able to get the bed made. Aarrgh!

Later, as I put the sheets on the bed I find they are stained with blood. Maggie did not pretreat the sheets, and because they have been dried, the stains are permanent. I cannot reuse the sheets and they will have to be replaced. I change the sheets and prepare the room for showing.

When Maggie arrives home that evening we discuss the sheets and the lost key. The replacement cost of the sheets, along with a locksmith service call (the key was not in the wash machine) will be close to the top of her modest deposit.

Maggie’s completes her move out and says goodbye. I go upstairs afterward to find that only a small part of the cleaning has been done. This means that when all items are tallied, Maggie will end up owing me money instead of getting a refund. I stand there in the room feeling really sad. Not paying attention to the details has just cost Maggie her deposit, but more than that, the price now includes the friendship. Sure, I could let her slide and pay the replacement costs myself to keep her happy and our friendship in tact, but then I’d be rescuing her and throwing myself under the bus, so to speak. I haven’t come through years of painful lessons to turn around and do that again. In the end we have both lost; she lost money and I lost a friend.

Why We Miss the Details

We’ve all done this at times; I sure have. The answer varies from person to person, but the most common is that we are going too fast and not stopping to do self-care.

What can we do to change this behavior?

When I find myself missing the details of life, I do the following:

  1. Slow down. Slow down my walk and my speech.
  2. Slow down my breathing and breathe deeper.
  3. When deciding what to do next ask myself, do I really need to do this?
  4. Take time to be alone, to relax and decompress.
  5. Do self-care. Examples: a manicure, a massage or yoga

All of the items will ground you, getting you out of your head and back into your body. When you are grounded, you are emotionally connected; not just mentally engaged. It’s when you are grounded that you are moving at a pace that enables you to see the details.

In closing, the price we pay when we miss the details can be really high. By slowing down and grounding, we can avoid that pain, handle the details and enjoy all the good that life has to offer. Why? The good is in the details.