Is your Inner Child Blocking Your Ascension?

How many times have you felt frustrated and angry because you didn’t speak your truth … instead choosing to walk away and keep your mouth shut just to keep the peace? How many times have you made choices to do what others want you to do and felt resentful and sad? How many times have you tried to kick an addiction only to find yourself pulled in again feeling the shame, hopelessness and helplessness as you take that first puff or drink? Each of these examples can happen to anyone on the ascension path. And they can happen after years of work at clearing our emotional blocks and integrating fears. This article is written to address why this could be happening and even better, provide solutions.

Many of us begin the Ascension path with great hope, excitement and enthusiasm much like the pioneers who courageously set forth to traverse the great expanses of our western lands. But somewhere along the way we begin to tire of the effort it takes. And even though we are aware that we are clearing lifetimes of stuff in a few short years, that knowledge looses its ability to inspire us at times. When our bodies ache and the fatigue creates a daily drain, we find it hard to keep our eye on the light at the end of the tunnel if indeed we even see it at all.

The most debilitating blows to my dedication to this path are the ones that come from my weakness when I fall prey to my addictions. Just when I think I have cleared the last layer from a block and the addictive pull is gone, it rears its head and drives me to the pantry looking for cookies or potato chips (I struggle with addictions to sugar and carbohydrates) to ease the pain of my latest emotional trigger. At those times I am filled with hopelessness and wonder why I ever chose to begin this path. Thoughts fly through my mind such as, “Why did I ever think that I could ascend? Ascension is only for others.” And, “The ones who can’t do it teach it.” It makes me want to cry … and many times I do.

Lately, I have been questioning why I fall prey to my addictions even after clearing so many layers. What is it I’m not getting or doing? I had decided to make this quest the topic of the upcoming Monday Night Workshop. Lots of answers come to me during that workshop. But I must confess that until we were half way through the workshop, I did not get the answer even though it had been in front of me all along.

For those of you who have read my other Inner Child articles, you are aware that one of those teachings I have been given is the higher dimensional concept that the Inner Child and the Ego are the same. This is knowledge that has been hidden from the world for a long time and when we begin applying this concept, a whole new world of possibilities opens up to us. Among those possibilities is the ability to heal our physical bodies and emotional wounds, ourselves. Briefly, this concept states that the Ego and the Inner Child are the same because they are actually one complete child with a Light and a Dark side. And although this child is not flesh and blood, it is as real as any child on the planet.

I have come to understand and accept that the Inner Child is the Ego and therefore I can use the terms interchangeably. But for those who are not comfortable with shifting their beliefs about the Ego and feel that it is still a negative part of our being, I use the term Inner Child/Ego to denote the two sides, Light and Dark. And this is the term I will use in this article for the most part.

The Inner Child as we have come to know it through various forms of therapy is the innocent, fun-loving and playful side while the Ego is the strong, protective side of the child that seeks to survive at all costs. This side feels that its purpose is to ensure that the body does not feel emotional/physical pain beyond the level that it has been told by you and me, is acceptable. Anything beyond that level must be suppressed and repressed through various forms of medication, i.e. work, food, drugs, alcohol, exercise, etc. And though this child lives in the moment, like any other 2-year old, the Ego, the protective side can also access every lifetime you have ever lived as part of its survival mechanism. To the Ego, physical and emotional pain are its nemeses because they are what can cause the physical body to die. For more information read, Is the Inner Child and the Ego the Same? in the Articles Area of our website.

As I understand it, ascension is the process of clearing one’s denser energies in order to shift one’s frequency. Those denser energies are held in the emotional body, which is connected to the physical body. To make it easier to understand, we say that the energies stored are stored as blocks and they are similar in form to an onion. Each layer of the onion/emotional block contains the energies of a particular lifetime. So what kinds of energies are held in these layers? They are all forms of fear and pain ranging from anger, rage, resentment, and bitterness to guilt and shame. Our goal as we begin the path of ascension is to clear these layers thus healing old wounds and integrating the fears that created the wounds and layers in the first place. The Transformation of these lower chakra energies into compassion via the High Heart Chakra is how we shift our frequency to ascend.

What we discovered in the workshop is that when the Inner Child/Ego has not agreed to allow the pain and fears to surface, if we have not instructed him/her as to what to do with the pain once it surfaces nor assured him/her that we will not abandon and blame him/her when the pain surfaces, he/she will surely block us. Once again, if we understand the role of the Ego/Inner Child we will understand why they would block us. In addition, in order to keep the Inner Child/Ego cooperating with us, we must maintain the relationship.

We all have the lower chakra ability of fight or flight. Some say the fight/flight survival mechanism is held within the base or root chakra. Our Inner Child has that same ability and the Ego or Dark side of our Inner Child will use it to protect us from harm. When we make the decision to begin emotional clearing, we are in essence expecting our Inner Child/Ego to cooperate. Now keep in mind that we have taught this child to repress and suppress all pain whether physical or emotional beyond a certain level. In other words, we each have a pain threshold and we have taught our Inner child/Ego to medicate anything beyond it. If we have not first discussed this choice with the Inner Child/Ego, she/he will immediately feel betrayed. Keep in mind that the Inner Child/Ego lives for our approval and the one thing that it feels sure will get this approval is his/her ability to repress pain. If we all the sudden decide we don’t want him/her to continue doing this we take away his/her primary tool for getting love and acceptance and we send him/her into an emotional tailspin.

Now most who do not understand the role of the Inner Child/Ego will not be aware that they need to get their Inner Child’s cooperation … they still think as we have been taught—to believe that the Inner Child/Ego is not really real. So we begin our emotional clearing with a firm commitment to the goal (ascension) only to find ourselves blocked over and over.

To keep the Ego from blocking us we must address the two primary needs he/she has about physical/emotional pain.

  1. We must provide him/her with instructions on what to do with the formerly suppressed pain once it comes up to be cleared. Your little Ego plays the role of a gatekeeper when it comes to pain. He/she makes sure that the pain you don’t want to feel, pain from your childhood, previous marriage, first date, past lover, etc. is kept repressed far back in those old dusty memory files. When you choose to bring these old memories up to clear, your Inner Child/Ego will block it. Why? Because you have not discussed it with him/her and have not given him/her instructions on what to do with it. What your Inner Child/Ego needs to know is what you want to do with the pain once it has reached the surface of your conscious mind. To clear this kind of pain we need to physically and verbally express it. That means screaming and hitting a pillow for example. In some cases it means confronting the person involved and speaking your truth and then screaming and hitting a pillow in private. There are numerous ways to physically vent this pain.
    So there must be an agreement between you and your Inner Child/Ego that you will make sure that this pain is vented. If not, due to the fear the Ego has that the pain will harm your physical vehicle, it will not let the pain surface. An example agreement would be, “I agree to ensure the pain gets vented in a timely manner and in a way that you feel truly clears it from our emotional and physical bodies.”
  2. We must assure him/her that he/she will be safe from abandonment or rejection when the pain comes up to be cleared. This means remembering that we made the choice to let the pain surface so that we could clear it. What tends to happen is that we forget this fact when we are hurting and we say things like, “Why was I so stupid to think I could clear this?” Or, “This was a dumb thing to do.” When we use self –talk, our Inner Child hears it and thinks we are talking to him/her. That was a big realization for me. When I say things like, “I’m stupid” or, “I’m dumb” my Inner Child/Ego Jessie, hears it and thinks that I am telling her that she is stupid and dumb. And she reacts to those painful words like any flesh and blood child would. She feels wounded, betrayed and withdraws. But sometimes she gets angry too and will take steps to thwart any actions on my part that could possibly bring about a re-enactment of this same scene again. So having an agreement that we will not abandon or blame our Inner Child/Ego when the pain comes up is imperative to gaining his/her cooperation in our emotional clearing. Here’s an example, “I agree that when you let the pain come up for me to clear and heal, I will not blame, reject or abandon you for doing so.”

In addition to fulfilling the two primary needs for emotional clearing, we need to maintain our relationship with our Inner Child/Ego on a daily basis. As I said earlier, our Inner Child fears being abandoned by us more than anything else. Abandonment comes in many forms. The most common is through lack of communication. Our Inner Child/Ego is just like a flesh and blood child. He/she needs attention and nurturing. When we get caught up in our busy lives and neglect to spend a small bit of time each day communing with them, they feel the pain just like a small child would. They withdraw and feel unloved and unworthy … and those feelings of unworthiness are the same ones we experience when we say that we as humans feel unloved and unworthy. The feelings of our Inner Child/Ego are behind our lack of feeling self-love.

I have shared a tip that my guide, Devin gave me many years ago when my daughter was 3 and going through a rough time. They told me, “Spend 5 minutes each morning with your child. Be there at her side when she wakes. Hold her gently and talk gently, stroking her hair and asking her about her dreams. Make this a quiet, gentle time free from tension, stress and hurry. As you hold her, look into her eyes as you speak. This feeds her Inner Child and makes her feel loved and cared for. She will be more at peace throughout the day because she has been given her daily emotional feeding. This emotional nutrition is as important as physical nutrition … it feeds her Inner Child and her Soul. Actually he used the term Ego instead of Inner Child since he was teaching me to view them as the same being. I tried this technique and it worked the first day I used it. Wow! Danielle changed from a stubborn, argumentative, overly emotional and unhappy little girl into a calm and cooperative child. We can use this same technique with our Inner Child/Ego … and get the same positive, loving results.

If we wish to ensure the continued cooperation of our Inner Child/Ego, we must build a relationship of trust with him/her. It takes time but it will happen if we dedicate ourselves to nurturing this part of ourselves. Having basic agreements and keeping our end of those agreements are key to this process. With a strong bond of trust between you and your Inner Child/Ego, there will be no mountain you can’t climb. As for me, I guess it’s time to get back to basics and spend more time with my Jessie.

In service,

Jelaila Starr

Written July 9th 2001

For further information on the Inner Child and the Ego read, The Soul/Ego/Self Partnership, The 3rd Multidimensional Key of Compassion. For information on how to re establish your relationship with your Inner Child/Ego read, The Open Door, The 4th Multidimensional Key of Compassion.