Having Fun: a Mission-driven Lightworker’s Challenge

It may seem a little silly that I’d be writing an article on the challenges of having fun, but it’s no laughing matter. The sad truth is that fun has become a real challenge for many of us, myself included. We experience many difficulties ranging from blocked creativity, a loss of passion and excitement, to stress-related heath problems and major financial challenges. And when it comes to our spiritual missions, these issues threaten our ability to successfully fulfill our purpose for being here on Earth.

Why is it so hard to have fun? Why does it make us uncomfortable when we try? How did we forget what fun is? Just recently, I went through a very painful lesson around fun and how the lack of it created a block that threatened my ability to complete my mission. Through addressing the problem multidimensionally with my guides’ assistance, I was able to recognize the importance of fun and through it restore balance in my life.

Writer’s Block

Like many others living their missions, I have dedicated the last 11 years of my life to fulfilling my mission. Dedicated, excited and passionately committed I’ve diligently stayed the course, doing my part to help Earth and her people ascend. As a messenger and channel for an off-world council comprised of racially diversified 9th dimensional beings, I look upon these individuals as my guides and mentors. In order to share their multidimensional wisdom with the world, I’ve charged ahead, writing books, booklets and articles as they were assigned to me. As I completed each one, I’d again feel that profound sense of accomplishment that comes from doing my mission and that makes me feel that my life means something. I was having fun … or was I?

Until recently I have always been able to complete the writing assignments, the majority of which are articles, in a timely manner easily bringing them through with only a couple of rewrites at most. But towards the end of 2003 I began to notice a change. I was writing less often and when I did, not only was it getting harder to bring them through without having to go through several rewrites, they no longer had the same conciseness and crystal-clear clarity for which the 9D Nibiruan writings had become known. By January 2004, after writing the Council’s 9D Perspective on 2004 article (which took 4 rewrites), I was in a creative slump and a long dry spell ensued. This was certainly not fun!

Normally when I have an idea for an article (they come from the Council in the form of article ideas), I must sit down at the computer and type it out. But now I could no longer write and though the writing assignments kept coming, I could not get them out of my head and into the computer. For most people this might not be a problem, but for me it is. If I don’t get the article out of my head and into the computer, after a few days I become what I call creatively constipated. Once in that state, I become forgetful and tune out during conversations. It’s as though the articles have taken up all the available storage space in my brain leaving no room for anything else. Soon after, the dreams begin. I dream intensely vivid lucid dreams about the article content, one after another, waking up between each one. And to top it off, I become physically constipated. Let me tell you, it’s not a pleasant experience.

But try as I might I could not write. Each time I even thought about writing, my heart would sink and I’d cry inside. Month after month went by with no article published. I learned long ago that the financial support for my family and mission comes as a result of writing. To keep the money flowing I needed to publish 1 to 2 articles a month. By now we were feeling the pinch.

Finally, after months of physical constipation, lack of focus, sleep deprivation, endless frustration and the mounting fear that I had lost my ability to write, I became depressed and seriously thought about giving up. I felt hopeless, sad, and empty. I believed that I had failed in my duties as a messenger and soon the Council would have to move on to someone else to ensure the success of their work. I didn’t want that to happen so in one last desperate attempt to find a solution, I begged them to help me see why I was in this predicament. In their usual patient and gentle but direct manner replied, “Jelaila, the reason is that you’re not having fun.” I was stunned. I couldn’t believe what I had just heard. Floored by their response, I said, “You’re joking, right?” There was no reply just silence. Of all the things they could have said, having fun was not one I would have expected. I just couldn’t wrap my brain around that one. But from their silence I knew that they were serious, and after having worked with them for several years, I knew better than to toss their answer aside because they were usually correct.

Over the course of the next several days, I thought a lot about their answer. It’s not like I had anything else to do, right? I decided to carefully examine my beliefs around work and fun. I knew from experience that the only way to change my circumstances was to search for and find the beliefs, fears and behavior patterns that led to this writing block. And I knew from their training to start my search in the past, in my childhood. The results were oh so surprising.

The Source: The Fear of Poverty

This part was easy. My parents believed and lived by the work ethic of “hard work and no play” a belief they instilled in me from the time I was very young. Fueled by the fear and pain of grinding childhood poverty that my father experienced as a child during the Great Depression, he put work ahead of play in order to eat and survive. As an adult he successfully pulled himself out of that state by focusing on work as the priority. It gave him a lot of pride and self-esteem to be able to give to my brothers and I what he as a child never had.

Like most people of their generation and society in general, my parents derived their sense of self-worth through their accomplishments. It’s not what you are but what you do and what you have that determines your worth. Consequently fun and play were luxuries like a box of rich chocolates only to be indulged in occasionally because one cannot derive worth from them. And when they did try to have fun, it was usually work related.

When I took a realistic look at my childhood, I realized that I never learned what fun was or how to play because my parents didn’t know. And because of the hard times they experienced as children, the fear of poverty was still there, kept at bay by hard work and little play. So though I had many comforts in childhood, I still grew up with that same fear of poverty. Like my parents, I acted out of that fear by building my life around my work. And also like my parents, I acquired my self-worth through my accomplishments. But unlike them, urged on by my guides, I have tried to make having fun more a part of my life. Unfortunately, I’ve not been successful. Not knowing what fun is, in my attempts to have it, I unknowingly substituted satisfaction, the feeling that I get when I accomplish something, with the feeling of fun. After all, it is fun to accomplish something, isn’t it?

And if that wasn’t bad enough, I’ve unconsciously needed to ensure that all “fun” time somehow be productive. I’ve mastered the art of combining fun with work. For example, instead of taking a trip just to see friends and have fun, I’d have to squeeze in a workshop to facilitate. I just couldn’t allow myself the luxury of having fun just for the sake of fun itself. It’d always have to be scheduled around and justified by work related activities.

Turning Hobbies and Other Projects into Obsessive Goals

This one is almost too embarrassing to write. I’d even turn my hobbies into work because I didn’t know how to have real fun. Hobbies are supposed to be relaxing and enjoyable but for me they were not. For example, I love to knit and to garden but since both of these hobbies bring with them the satisfaction of accomplishment, I unconsciously view them as work. This meant that each project would become a goal that had to be completed within a certain timeframe. In order to achieve that goal I’d knit for hours until my hands were stiff and my neck and shoulders ached. In the garden, I’d work until my back nearly spasmed from the strain and my knees were red and swollen. And through it all, I thought I was having fun because I was, what else, accomplishing something! It’d be laughably funny if it weren’t so terribly sad! But the next day I’d feel a deep sense of sadness, almost depression and I never knew why.

Talking with a good friend about this helped to uncover how I brought this same obsessive need for accomplishment into work related projects. I have a recurring pattern of starting new projects and then getting burned out. This happens because I am so emotionally, mentally and physically invested in their outcome that I totally and completely exhaust myself. I do this because, driven by the need to accomplish and derive value and a sense of self-worth through the project, I set no limits on the amount of time and energy I invest. Like I do with my hobbies, I become obsessed by the need to reach the goal, whatever it may be. But the end result is always the same. After a while I lose my passion, the driving force behind the project. Once that is gone, I no longer feel excited and creative. At that point the end is near, creatively spent, I spiral downward into a pit of hopelessness and despair. Isn’t that where I had ended up just recently?

It all made sense now. Through my search I uncovered the fear of poverty that was at the root of my problem with having fun. I discovered the “hard work and no play” belief and behavior pattern that I used to prevent the fear from manifesting in my life. Because self worth comes from accomplishments, not play, I confused satisfaction with fun. But in order to have fun, it had to be work related. I learned that to me, fun was an indulgence not to be experienced just for itself, so to have fun I had to combine it with work. And in regards to my mission, I dare not play for fear I would miss an important writing assignment (a project). Yes I was a mission-driven, work and goal oriented lightworker and one who wasn’t having fun. So my guides were correct … again. With beliefs and behaviors such as these it was no wonder I had gotten myself into such a predicament.

Now that I understood how through the combination of my beliefs and actions, I had created this writer’s block, I could move to the next step. But not only did I want to clear the block, I wanted to ensure that it didn’t happen again so that I could have real fun and still successfully complete my mission.

Changing the Patterns

Once again I asked my guides for help. Answering they said, “Look to your Inner Child and how she manages your 2nd chakra energy.” I knew from their multidimensional teachings that they perceived the Inner Child to be much more that is commonly thought by people in our world. And from applying this knowledge and reconnecting with my own Inner Child, I had for the first time experienced the feeling of self-love and my life and relationships improved dramatically.

Multidimensionally speaking, the Inner Child is the little child in each of us that is joyful, creative and passionate. Our Inner Child also perceives him/herself as our physical body and thus, speaks to us through the language of physical sensations. On an energetic level, our Child Within regulates our chakras, opening and closing them in response to the level of energy we have available. This level is determined by our beliefs, behaviors and our emotional state.

From my guides, I had learned that all of our creations manifest from our 2nd chakra, the seat of our creativity. To manifest our creations so that they match our visions of them we must be excited, inspired and passionate. We experience these things when our 2nd chakra is fully open and balanced. Of course, that’s easier said than done because this chakra is easily pulled out of balance and the one thing that does it the most is stress. Stress pulls this chakra out of balance because it is fear-based. Fear is the emotion that alerts the Inner Child to protect the body. In doing so he/she pulls in and closes up the chakras just as you would close and lock your doors when threatened by an intruder. When this occurs, the flow of Universal Life Force (energy that we all require in order to survive and thrive) is cut off. When done for shorts periods of time it is not harmful, but when it repeatedly happens and for long periods of time the entire chakra system becomes unbalanced. Only by opening up again can Life Force come in and balance be restored. This is where I made another startling discovery–play reopens the 2nd chakra!

To the Inner Child the act of playing is refreshing. Playing engrosses us in the act itself and we forget about our problems. When we play we experience the feeling of fun and fun comes from the joy of being totally carefree. In other words it clears out the fear from the stress of work and daily living and allows the 2nd chakra to reopen and reset. But there’s a catch. It must be the type of play where there’s no stress involved. This means that when we play, whatever we are doing must not have any expectation as to its outcome. In other words, we play just for the sake of having fun. An example would be playing basketball without caring whether you win or lose. You play just for the sheer enjoyment of it.

My Inner Child could only go so long managing the stress created by my mission combined with a daily life without play periods to reset and balance. When it came to my writing, she needed regular periods of play to keep the creative juices flowing and to ensure that when I did write, the articles came through easily and were clear and concise. If I went for too long without having fun and playing, she ran out of steam and I experienced this change as loss of excitement, passion and creativity i.e., a writing block.

Ensuring the Future

I now understood that I needed to do 2 things to ensure the future of my writing ability and my mission.

  1. I needed to maintain a healthy balance of play in my life in order to keep my 2nd chakra open.
  2. I must remember that satisfaction is not the same as fun and to keep the two separate in work and play.

So how am I going to put these things into action now? I’ve decided to take a trip to Iowa to visit my friends and play for a couple of days…and not bring my laptop computer!

In closing, the balancing power of play and understanding the difference between the feeling of fun and the feeling of satisfaction that I get from my accomplishments were two of the main lessons that my guides had been trying to teach me all these years. But due to my unbalanced beliefs around work, fun and play, it took a writing block so painful and frightening that it nearly cost me my mission to force me to re-evaluate those beliefs and find the answer. The Council has a saying; “You don’t know how to do it right until you’ve learned how to do it wrong.” Having experienced the havoc that a lack of fun and play created in my life, I now understand its value. Play is no longer considered an indulgence but a necessity instead.

It’s been well worth the pain of doing it wrong in order to learn how to do it right. I’ve begun to feel the passion and excitement again that I felt when I first began my mission. And though it’s taken more than a dozen revisions and rewrites to finish this article, at least I’m writing again. If you are one of those who like me have forgotten how to play, it is my fervent hope that through sharing my story, you’ll find answers. With fun and play as important to us as our work, we will be able to continue on to the successful completion of our missions.

In service,

Jelaila Starr

Written May 10, 2004